There she sits.

It's funny when that feeling comes back. I'm being aware of it. I'm sitting in the corner watching it...and watching myself resist it. And *pat on the back* I'm doing great at resisting. But there is an uneasiness settling in.

I first felt it last week after the event had time to settle. I keep thinking all I need right now is some ORDER. I've been making lists in my head. Documenting. Planning. And with that always comes my great plan to "get healthy". Problem with that is my perception is a bit skewed. It means everything "good" goes away. It means if I go to bed hungry, then I'm doing something right. It means I will cuddle up in that bed of depression and just sleep instead of eat. It means I will hate myself for eventually eating. I've been feeling so good for awhile....I don't want to feel bad again. Yet, there she sits. There is nothing to gain, but there is some power in it all I suppose.

I legitimately want to go for a run today. It's pretty crisp outside and just looks like good running weather. I have eaten today. And I'm trying to figure out it I feel guilty about what I ate. It was a lunch of carbs and preservatives. It wasn't good. I wonder if I run if it will motivate me to eat healthier. Or will I spiral? Or will it do absolutely nothing at all? Am I paranoid? I am.

I think I will run...without running a specific amount of miles or hours or burning a specific number of calories. I will just run.