Revisiting the past

Shit is getting real. I'm back to where I was almost 2 years ago to the date. Researching suicide methods. Do I actually want to kill myself? Yes, sometimes....no most of the time. Two years ago I was on round two for an overdose. I didn't know what I was doing with my life. Trisha hated me and loved someone else...and I was so blinded by pain and confusion. No friends, no job. A therapist I had no hope in ever communicating properly with...and thoughts contaminating my brain daily. Seemed like the easiest route. I don't think I ever thought I would die. It was simply an act of desperation to make everything stop for just one fucking second. And I'm feeling that overwhelming sensation yet again. I want everyone and everything to go away until it's good.

More later. I have to go to my shitty job now. 28 year old grocery store cashier. That is enough reason right there to off myself.

I don't know why I'm here.
Job hunting makes me want to literally off myself.
I have no "skills"...no "desire". No passion. I'm not good at anything.
I'm fucking 28 years old. My 10 year High School Reunion was tonight.
And I was working at Whole Foods.
Where the general public is killing my soul.
Get out? But where? I don't want to do anything.
I truly believe the only thing I will ever be good at is "doing nothing". Lock me up.
I know this is a copout. I'm fucking stupid.