She is a trainer on the TV show The Biggest Loser, but has also produced a ton of awesome workout DVDs, and books. I'm quite a fan. Anyways, I was able to go to her Maximize Your Life tour in Seattle last Wednesday and guys....I think I've had a major epiphany. She talked for about 3 hours about a range of topics from the basic science behind losing weight to taking care of yourself mentally to be your best. I've pretty much been in love with her since she first hit The Biggest Loser with her bad ass training techniques and attitude. So getting to see her live was a big deal for me.
Let's get back to this epiphany. Jillian is beautiful and strong to me. This is what I strive for...deep in my heart it's what I want...I will admit it's not always what my irrational brain wants at that moment. But ever since Junior High Aerobics....this is what I've wanted. When things got out of hand it was because I just got a little overzealous about all the wrong things. Anyways there was a point in the talk where Jillian was talking about calculating your BMR (yes, we really got down to basics) and she used her numbers to show the audience how. GUYS...this probably shouldn't have been a pivitol moment for me...but it was, so whatever. She is 5 foot 3. My height. And weights 115lbs. That is currently 7lbs higher than me....and she looks amazing. I was having this slow motion moment when I saw those numbers. Things kept flowing through my mind like "I could realistically and HEALTHILY look like her" "The number on the scale really DOESN'T mean anything" and *gasp* even this.... "Maybe gaining weight (muscle weight of course) would actually be a GOOD thing" I don't think I've EVER thought this.
She of course discussed other emotional issues. Like how we tend to carry along our parents baggage. (Something else that really resonated with me), and that it's really important to be happy in life, to follow your WHY (why you are doing things, why you are living, what makes you actually happy), she even discussed being unhappy in your job. How we should have more good days than bad and if you are unbalanced it's time for a change. I've been sitting on her talk for a few days now and I feel like my brain just got out of the cleaners. Like the gears that were once rusted are starting to spin again.
I am making serious changes at the moment. Starting of course with my brain and thoughts. I've started paper and pen journaling again (something I haven't done since High School) and I'm continuing the Insanity workouts with Sondra to bring myself to a basic level of fitness and strength. And then I'm going to look to REALLY scoring some hard core muscle. Not like bodybuilder muscle but you know what I mean. I'm going to be fit and healthy. I AM.
I'm keeping this journal here because I do like to come back now and again. But I think I'll be posting regular fitness updates and such on my other blog
dirtpooranddaydreaming.blogspot.com
Feel free to follow me there. I don't go into calorie details and food struggles in as much detail because I do have family member followers. And I'm basically working on a set of life goals that range from reading/crafting/health/fitness/career that I regularly post updates about.
I'll be back here now and again. Thanks for dealing with my cranky, self hating posts in the past. I can't say I'm completely rid of that mentality, but right now I feel like I'm on a fresh road.
