Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Just popping in

*pokes head in sheepishly* well...it's been awhile hasn't it? Things are going well guys. I ran a marathon :) I finally did it. I ate well for 5 months and am strong and healthy and I ran 26.2 fucking miles. Pretty proud. I also graduate in like...2 weeks *cue terror and excitement*.

Sondra and I are off on vacation which I'm in serious need of. We have been fighting a bit, which sucks, but my anger has really been getting the best of me. We are in couples counseling now which, despite my avid hate for therapy of any kind, is going pretty well. I also am still seeing my therapist (serious therapy overload here). We just started a workbook because her "lah-dee-dah, flowy feelings" therapy was not working for this structured brain of mine. So, we are tackling the...ahem...I will say it....abuse stuff. I still hate that goddamn word, but I'm dealing with it. This is going to be a good step I think, at least getting me to a point where I can SPEAK the words will be helpful.

Despite doing really well here, I have been having massive anxiety attacks. Like some of the worst I've ever had. Sondra has threatened to call the hospital a few times, which scares the shit out of me. I'm confused and upset because I don't really understand them. I'm aware of what's going on. I can't breath. I can't speak. But I'm here. I'm not having some flashbacky thing where I'm somewhere else....but I feel like Sondra and my therapist are trying to make them about that. I just feel there is TOO much in me. Blah. Anyways, I didn't come here for a big spill of my guts...just wanted to say hey and I'm not dead. I'm actually quite alive and happy about that most days. I hope all you ladies are well. I'm going to go snoop around. Love until next time. Jade.


  1. Well, howdy there stranger! It has indeed been a while. It's good to see you post again, as always. I'd been wondering how you've been doing.
    I'm glad therapy seems to be going okay for you. I have trouble with with saying 'that word' and similar words as well, let alone talking about the actual event. I wish you all the best in tackling those issues. I'm interested by the idea of a therapy workbook, it sounds like my kinda thing.
    Oh dear, massive anxiety attacks are no good. I'm sorry to hear that. Hospital call threats are always terrifying and tend to make me panic 10x more too.
    Take care of yourself as best you can. And congrats on your upcoming graduation! Thanks for letting us know you're alive and well :) Pop in again sometime soon, yeah? <3 xx

  2. HOLY CRAP you scared me when you stopped posting!!
    I'm glad you're doing so well. And congrats on the marathon, and graduating!!
    Yeah threatening to call an ambulance or send me to the hospital is usually a good way to get me from "anxiety attack" to "homicide"....

    I hope you have a lovely vacation. Are you going anywhere fancy??