Still here!

God. Moving has kicked my ass. I have been having about two days of decent restriction followed by 1-3 days of massive binging. It's killing my soul. I know it's because there is all this change going on and my life is in upheaval and I don't have time to plan and calculate and regulate and list and obsess and it's stressing me out. I haven't been on the scale in a week because I'm absolutely terrified it will blink back a number above 100. So instead I'm getting my shit together on Monday (the purest of days) and WILL lose the blubber I've accumulated since the move and get things back in order. I NEED to get my tupperware so I can calculate out my meals for the week, stick them in the fridge and lessen the amount I have to think about crap. I NEED to find a running route here (this is about 90% of my problem. I haven't been running, but I've been eating...and it makes me sad) Lyndsey did offer her treadmill to me...which I thought was super sweet. Have I said we are officially dating now? Going on about 3 weeks now. We are going to have a soup date coming up :) Where we actually make soup together. It's really nice because we never go out to eat so I don't have to stress about that.

In other news. I drove up to my old hometown the other day. For several reasons this was difficult. It was the first time I'd been there since opening pandora's box with Brenda. I thought it would feel nice and freeing to go back...I obviously have not processed shit well enough though because the second I drove into town I got the shakey sweats. Fuck that. Trisha wouldn't answer my calls when I was there and I desperately wanted to talk to someone about it all. I had plans to visit my old house and the beach...none of which I did. Probably getting to a place with Lyndsey where I will be able to talk about some of this. Could be helpful. Could also just freak me the fuck out. Who knows. My head has been full of metal beads since I left. Time to clear some of that out.

So yeah....here's a risk I'm taking since it's been awhile. Picture of me :) Being nerdy and excited about my new apartment keys:

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Blargh....dimples and glasses and no makeup. Gah. This will be removed soon.