Unemployed...again

I quit my job today. Yesterday I had been called into the office for that stupid secret shop thing, but also because of my attendance. I've called out a couple days over the last couple weeks because I literally couldn't face a customer. I couldn't smile...I could barely get out of bed. So because I was talked to about it yesterday (it a very "you are a bad girl" type manner...I don't deal well with that, horrible horrible guilt and anxiety) I started to have a massive panic attack on the way to work this morning. Driving on the freeway and I start imagining ways I could get out of work because I was too embarrassed to go back (I cried a little in the office...shame). I started thinking "what's stopping me from just flipping the wheel really quick into the railing? What's stopping me from going into another lane of traffic? The answer was that I AM the one stopping that...and I'm not stable. I made it to work and realized I'd been death gripping the wheel and was shaking uncontrollably  I called Sondra and told her I couldn't do this. I can't work here anymore. And then I called work and said I'm not coming in. And that was it.

Funny thing is...the extreme panic and anxiety has not set in. I felt light today. Sondra and I walked by the waterfront and shopped around. It was nice and relaxing. And I've been crafting the rest of the day. I'm nervous for the realization that I have no steady source of income to set in.

Anyways, tomorrow Sondra and I are going to the beach. If I get some good photos I'll post. Sondra is packing a picnic. I've requested salad and lara bars and she seemed to oblige.  

Food was okay today. Almond yogurt, almonds, banana, and soup. Not nearly enough veggies and too many fats, but whatever.