I'm at my wits end. Literally I feel like something fell out of the sky and just squished me to the ground. So quickly...so instantly.
Therapy was AWFUL on Friday. And I thought it was going so well. I left feeling like she doesn't want me there anymore. Like my reasons for being there aren't good enough. I think she feels like I don't NEED to be there. Maybe I don't. Maybe I'm a narcissistic freak that can't bear the thought of NOT talking about myself.
I left the session with her saying "I will keep your appointment on the calender for the next and following weeks, but let me know if you don't want to do that". Seriously...fuck you. I don't want to be angry at her, but I think I really am. I told her I wanted her to push me and she said she doesn't feel comfortable with that. What the fuck is your job then? Seriously, I'm paying you $150 fucking dollars out of MY pocket because I don't have insurance. I took a fucking job! So I could pay for therapy! How pathetic!? And you question whether I really want to be here!? Of course I hate it! Of course it's uncomfortable! Is it suppose to be any other way?
Rant aside. I'm going to email her on Wednesday and cancel all my sessions. I'm done. I then plan to go the medicinal route. Anyone who knows me knows this is absolutely the LAST thing I want to do, and I'm not actually sure I want that either. I know Sondra will be mad/disappointed at me quitting...but maybe taking medication will make her less disappointed?
QUESTION:
I have been on anti anxiety/depression meds in the past but I was seeing therapist through school and was able to get prescriptions. I'm kind of at a loss with what to do now. How do I get a prescription? I figure I need to make an appointment with a psychiatrist? Will I sit down for one appointment with them and then just get pills that afternoon? Is that how it works?
It's absolutely ironic that I'm having severe anxiety at the THOUGHT of going to a psychiatrist. I wish I could just get pills without talking to someone.
Oh dear... I'm sorry to hear your session went so badly. You have every right to be angry. I'm hoping that she had innocent intentions behind asking you if you really wanted to be there, but it doesn't sound like it.
ReplyDeleteSometimes the medicinal route is the only option. My GP prescribed my antidepressants herself (as well as Seroquel), though she consulted a psychiatrist about it first. I'm not sure how it works over there, but I think a GP should be able to give you meds without having to see a psych/having to talk. I can totally understand your anxiety about seeing a psychiatrist, so I hope you can work around it.
I'm keeping you in my thoughts. I hope the rest of the week goes better for you xx
Hey sweetie, you may not need to quit therapy altogether if you don't want to, you may just need a therapist that you are compatible with, your current therapist can even help you find another if that's what you want.
ReplyDeleteIn relation to medication, you may be able to just explain to a doctor you have been feeling depressed and that you have been receiving therapy and they can prescribe it? I'm not sure where you live but if it's the same as here they will write you a script and you can pick up the meds the same day, it's pretty straightforward.
I hope it all goes well <3
Alice xx
I am in the same boat honey , I am cancelling my therapy sessions too I'm just not getting anywhere I'm almost 3 years in and havent really resolved much. I always end up talking about current things that have hapened during that particular week and before you know it hours up and I've only talked about the bitch at work or how my mum didn't return my call and how I hate my boyfriend,
ReplyDeleteMake an appointment with your GP and just tell him how you are feeling , because I have had a history of being on / off medication they just usually prescribe as and when I ask for it, I just say , I want to try again. Usually Citalopram or Sertreline.
good luck Xx