A lot of things came together tonight in a weird way.
I've been meaning to make an Emilie Autumn compilation for one of my friends that will be going to the concert with me February. Half the songs I wanted were on my old computer and I just hadn't taken the time to transfer everything over. Well, I got on my old computer tonight. It's about 2 years old (I haven't opened it in that time). I downloaded my songs and made the mix I wanted to. Then I decided I should get all the pictures and videos too. *sigh* it's put me in a weird mood. Not upset. Just....strange. I'm currently drinking cranberry vodka and listening to this mix. When I lived in Wisconsin and Trisha and I had broken up...and Kat and Trisha would be downstairs laughing watching movies, I use to put on this one song in repeat "Chambermaid (spacemix)" super loud...and get trashed. All alone. I'd cut. To the beat of the song...which is pretty fast. Blah... embarrassing to admit that. I always feel weird cutting to music because I think the artist would just be totally ashamed of me....god that is weird. Anyways, this song came on and I literally just poured myself a drink without even thinking.
Besides that...all these pictures...most of me and Trisha. Or me at the farm (happiest time of my life). I just feel this odd mix of....unsettling. That makes no sense. Smart thing to do would be to find something else to distract myself. But I guess there is this morbid curiosity in me that wants to go through all the pictures. Look at everything. And try to address my feelings. Probably dumb to do that while drinking. I know that. And yet here I am. Contemplating the idea.
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