Life today.

Let me expand a bit on my situation at the moment. Last I left off I was living in Wisconsin, with Trisha (my ex). I moved to California for a bit to complete an internship and then decided I needed to stay the hell away from Wisconsin. So I moved back to Washington, finally;  however, in with my parents. That last little bit is killing me. It's just to get on my feet. I have a job now and am able to start looking for apartments which I'm excited for. But I'm also a bit nervous. Will I self destruct on my own? Though my parents are in the dark about everything (my 2 hospital stays last year, the state of my arms, and my general eating weirdness) I think the presence of them keeps me sane...while driving me nuts all the same. If I had my choice and I was alone in the house I would have more freedom to completely self destruct. Knowing they are there and my need to protect them from my insanity keeps me from descending even deeper into this hole. So, naturally I'm a little nervous, though curious, how I would be in an apartment on my own.

Other things that are beyond stressing me out: I've never really been good at making friends. For the entire 6 years that Trisha and I were together she did all the friend making and I latched on and built it from there. Now, I find myself alone and desperate for some kind of human interaction (this is odd...I always thought myself to be perfectly content and happy without people in my life). So with work I've made a couple friends. I have my first big "friend date" coming up this week. A girl from work wants me to teach her to knit. I cannot explain the anxiety that has followed this invitation. I hate going to people's houses....how long is it appropriate to stay? (I don't read social cues all that well) What if I can't remember all the knitting stitches when we get together? God I'm a freak. Anyways, this is why online friends have always done me so much better. *sigh*

Sorry I don't have any fun pictures or anything...not feeling all too creative these days.