Sometimes I like to imagine...

Or really, it's probably quite delusional....but I see girls all around me on their computers here at the Starbucks, and I think....hmmm I wonder if they are blogging right now. I wonder if they are on PT right now. I have a bit of paranoia when it comes to people looking at me. I feel like they are staring. I like to imagine that they are trying to figure me out instead of thinking how horribly awful I look.

Trisha and I have moved to email only communication. Simply because I can't control my rage/outbursts/crying and depression sessions when thinking of her and Kat. So we just text and email. I miss her voice. I miss her cuddling me. I bought these journals for us the last time we hung out in Chicago at Anthropology. It's a 5 year journal and each day it asks you a simple question. Trisha and I have been emailing our answers to each other. It's been kind of nice. Honesty is so key at this really rocky time in our relationship so....I've been honest. She knows I've been struggling yet again with this bullshit. And this is the first time I've actually offered up that information up to her. I think she was thankful. Of course she wants me to talk to my therapist about it. Which I won't do. She would absolutely laugh and the lump sitting across the way from her.

I feel myself getting a little obsessive at the thought of weighing myself on Thursday. I want to limit my calorie intake again...to a number. Weigh once a week...............I don't know. We'll see. I have four days off in a row starting Saturday. I'm apartment hunting but honestly I'm most worried to have too much time on my hands. I'm going to go for a run in Seattle on Saturday morning and might head to the beach later on in the weekend. Yes, it's freakin' cold at the beach this time of year, but still beautiful. Pictures possibly :)

Also, any of you have a facebook?  http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001264383019
I'm bored as hell.