"Sick" Day

I went into work yesterday only to stay for 40 minutes and go home sick. I have been feeling super off this last week and then started to feel like I was getting a migraine, felt very very dizzy and nauseous. Turns out it was epic period time. Anyways, so I stayed home and pretty much did nothing. Snuggled with my pups and cat, watched Venus in transition (which was pretty cool since I'm a closeted science geek!), watched "Stranger than Fiction" (why didn't this movie get better reviews!? It was the second time I saw it and I loved it even more!), read "Bossypants" by Tina Fey, and curled into the fetal position every couple hours when I got pregnant cramps (you know the ones...they feel like what I would imagine, very tame, contractions to feel like). And I called out again today. Probably a really stupid move for my bank account but I'm still not feeling 100% and the thought of going in and having to smile at everyone is slightly exhausting and I'm pretty sure I'd end up vomiting on a customer. So, instead I shall rest up in my bed again, maybe clean, watch my vitamix dvd for some inspiration, maybe break open my new big box of crayons, and drink coffee out of my Harry Potter mug because it makes me happy.

Anyone going to see "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" when it comes out? I'm getting pretty excited for it and feel I need to read the book again before I go. I read it a long time ago.

Anyways....things I've been obsessing over. I have a list...but at the top of that list is something gruesome. I feel sick for even choosing to put my mind in this place, but I need to talk about it. You guys I'm sure have heard of the porn star in Canada who chopped up his boyfriend and mailed the pieces to different places?  I am seriously disgustingly obsessed with learning more about it. The entire story terrifies and disgusts me, but I can't stop. The worst part is, there is video of him committing this crime. I haven't watched it...yet. Why I feel the need to watch it I don't know. I'm resisting watching it like I resist the urge to cut or burn. Seriously, that is how I feel. I sit and load it on my computer and I hover over the play button. I think I know it will fuck me up and plunge me even deeper into wherever the hell I'm headed right now. So I'm trying NOT to watch it but this story invades my thoughts. I wonder how any human could do that to someone else. How does that happen? It scares me that as humans there is only a .01% DNA difference from person to person....what is it that makes that guy different from me? Or the person I walk next to on the sidewalk? Or the doctor I let operate on me? Or the people I love? Or the people who love me? It freaks me out...and yet fascinates me at the same time. Sondra says I'm getting obsessed about this and refuses to partake in conversation about it. I really wanted her to look at the pictures of him online. He is a beautiful human being. Ascetically speaking. And I find myself asking why I was hoping he looked like a monster. Why does it bother me so much that he is handsome? I think it's because there is no way to tell a monster from a good person. They all look the same. *sigh* sorry for the random thoughts... just been in my mind all week.

Happy thoughts Happy thoughts. Trying to think happy thoughts. Ummmmmm....let's see.... Well, I'm sucking at this. I'll get back to you...